Silent Ebay Watch: The Ultimate in Kookiness

I havent done a silent ebay watch in a long time, mainly because it took too long to compile. However I feel this listing is so glorious in its sadness that it might possibly outdo the "Own the Spirit of Rudolph Valentino" post of long ago (btw I dont believe poor Rudy's spirit ever found a buyer...hmm). This kiddies is the kind of thing that makes me laugh and horribly sad at the same time. This is why The Rudolph Valentino Society was so very sorely needed.

Words fail me so lets just do a repost of the extant EBay listing shall we (*note original listing had several cemetery and ghoul graphics*)? Update: this piece of crap sold for $164.85!

Item: THE SERVANT OF RUDOLPH VALENTINO LORD DJINN AL MOHAMED!
DO NOT DOUBT THE POWER IT CALLS YOU! LISTEN AND BECOME$

*Professor Richmond's Legacy*

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THIS IS THE NEWS: This incredible, priceless vessel was found stashed away in a newly located safe behind my Father's book shelf. My father has an extensive library and after he died and the discoveries began, we searched his entire library, including behind the bookshelf. This safe is a complete mystery! I don't know how we could have missed it (I'm actually quite certain we couldn't have missed it!) which leads me to believe it was somehow "cloaked" until this present time. As I said, I am still reeling from this discovery.

***LORD AL MOHAMED SERVANT TO RUDOLPH VALENTINO, MY FATHER, & MANY, MANY OTHERS!!!***

Hello Friends! This is ONE INCREDIBLE AUCTION!
I can't quite describe the feeling I have when I look at this ring and imagine its history! It came into my father's possession though an Arabic Street Trader, who was himself a mystery as my father reported that the bearded man appeared strangely before him and after the transaction mysteriously vanished!

This ring is Vessel to the GREAT LORD AL MOHAMED. This Genie is one of the ORIGINAL GENIE'S and his power and presence is OVER 15,000 years old. He comes long before man, and has witnessed more than we could ever imagine! Yet he is willing and humble enough to be Mastered again. My father was the last lucky soul allowed to engage Lord Al Mohamed as his Personal Djinn. Before that, LORD AL MOHAMED was personal Genie to Rudolph Valentino. Valentino achieved his stardom and success through the Power and Guidance and Magickal Road Plow that Lord Al Mohamed is! Rudolph Valentino is a legend, and he led a life of wonder and excitement. He passed away young as his own decision was to be One Of Power on the other-side. He was an actor, a movie star, he wrote books, he was a sex symbol. He was RICH AS RICH AS A MAN CAN BE!!! Are you beginning to understand the power of LORD AL MOHAMED?

As the New Age approaches, his powers become even stronger. This Djinn is for one person of SUPERIOR DISTINCTION and will not be allowed to go to anyone but this true Intended One. This is a DESTINY PIECE, meaning there is one true owner out there, and this intended one will feel the calling. Lord Al Mohamed's Knowledge and understanding of the WAY OF THE DJINN is unparalleled! You're looking at the SOURCE!! We are unclear of his entire history, but HE has vowed to reveal all to his New Master. One thing we do know, is that LORD AL MOHAMED has power over other Djinn. He has an entire work force of Djinn Entities below him, working on his command. WORKING FOR YOU. You won't get MORE POWER THAN THIS!

He has been Vesseled in various ways over his life-time, but this Gorgeous Ring, has been his vessel of choice for the last hundred years or more. This actual ring belonged to my father, and before that, Valentino. You MUST bid and see if you are destined for this HONOR. The ring has been safely cleaned for you. It was very tarnished and rustic before. Now it is ready and revitalized and charged to MAXIMUM. There is Arabic carving on the stone, which I think may be Carnelian. It's very intricately designed, and fits a size 9. The Vessel may be worn on a chain also.

ORD AL MOHMED is coveted by many, but he will only obey YOU. No one else. He will grant all your wishes, and intuitively design for you the life you have dreamed of. The life of Movie Stars, the Rich and Famous! WEALTH, POWER, SUCCESS, TALENTS, LOVE, ADULATION, SUPREME WISDOM, MAGNETIC CHARISMA, ULTIMATE ENLIGHTENMENT, PURE UNADULTERATED JOY!!!! HE IS THE source OF GENIE POWER. He will not let his Master live an inconspicuous, unimportant life of poverty! No, no, no! Expect GREATNESS, GLORY, OPULENCE. The best that money can buy, and all the money you could ever want to buy it with! He can Shape-Shift at will, so you may witness him in familiar terms such a a cloud of smoke, or he may visit you as an animal, a thought, a feeling, or even a person who appears unexpectedly to you (Just how the Merchant who brought him to my Father, appeared and mysteriously disappeared!! Hmmmm) This is TRUE EXCITING MAGICK OF THE HIGHEST REALM. DO NOT LET THIS OPPORTUNITY SLIP BY. You are a seeker, that's why you are here. Bid now and see if you are THE CHOSEN ONE for the GREAT DJINN LORD AL MOHAMED.

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Wow. "How did you obtain your personal destiny and great fortune?" "Ebay my good man!" In fairness I'm not sure if this ring actually belonged to Rudy or not...probably not (the seller offers up no proof as such). Saddest part: 2 bids and its already over $50! People...scare me sometimes.